So continue with my backwards way of doing things, my first day on the ward after orientation was a public holiday -_- . So I basically just got thrown in the deep end and I was so nervous and scared. Having said that I would not do it any other way. I thank my lucky stars I was on AMU for my prac as well because it made it easier to adjust. The first two weeks I remember thinking can I actually do this? Am I in the right job? How on earth do nurses have a life outside of work? As it was all i could manage to do was get my sleepy self to work, drag my sleepy exhausted self home and eat…. REPEAT. I couldn’t fit in anything, even my one outlet of going to the gym. Mentally I was so drained, I couldn’t function when I walked out of work. Cooking dinner was especially challenging. I remember one night putting some dinner in the oven and wondering why it was taking so long….. I had put it on keep warm. This was a common occurrence. How can anyone possibly live like this. I would go to work tired but the minute 0700 hit I was wired, have no idea how that happened, just as I had no idea how I instantly switched off when I walked out, I never used to be able to do that. Trying to absorb and learn as much as I could. Critically thinking and over thinking about absolutely everything. It’s so exhausting and draining, definitely something that I thought I couldn’t keep up long term. And definitely felt like I needed one if these……..
… I felt like I was drowning. Although, I felt like I was getting the hang of things, I still felt like I was just staying afloat. It’s not all doom and gloom though! After the first few weeks I started feeling normal again. I no longer needed to sleep when I got home, I was back at the gym and my brain didn’t feel completely depleted! I am now two months in and looking back now, I realise that I just rode the most amazing roller coaster. Your first couple of months is full of ups and downs, good shifts and bad shifts, but it is such a positive learning curve and just enables you to deal with the same situation in a better way the next time. Hang in there, I promise you that it will get better and you will feel human again.